Perimenopause & Puberty Under One Roof

What if the perfect storm is really the perfect opportunity?

Europeana for Unsplash+

It can be a hot mess, I know.

Perimenopause and puberty in the same family at the same time? It’s fodder for jokes about moms comparing chin hairs with their teenage sons’ burgeoning beards—or raiding their daughters’ supply of menstrual products to deal with an ill-timed surprise.

Everyone’s moody, nobody’s pants fit, and you never know how someone will react to a simple request to take out the trash.

When parents and kids are going through major life transitions—including dramatic hormonal shifts and physical changes—things can get pretty hairy. (In case you’re new here, the puns are always intended.)

It’s hard enough when one member of a household is going through a tough time. When it’s multiple people across generations experiencing unsettling changes, it can make everyone feel a little unmoored.

To make matters worse, parents and kids face a deluge of cultural messages suggesting that what’s happening to our bodies is a problem to be solved, that we should be trying to resist and control—or at least trying to conceal what’s really happening.

Restrictive eating, joyless exercise, suffocating shapewear, and expensive skin products are marketed as must-have self-care, with the promise of fighting nature and giving the illusion that middle-aged and pubescent bodies aren’t doing the things they’re actually doing.

The same anti-fat culture that tells moms to manage their “meno-belly” also makes preteens panic about their “puberty pudge.” It’s no wonder we see spikes in eating disorder onset in both midlife and adolescence.

Eating disorders aren’t usually caused by a single factor, of course, but the rapid body changes of these life phases—against the backdrop of intense social pressure to strive for thinness—are contributing factors we can’t ignore.

I’ve worked with many families who had been on a “health kick” together—often catalyzed by a parent’s milestone birthday or worrisome lab results—only to find the results anything but healthy when their adolescent went on to develop anorexia or another eating disorder.

As parents learn about eating disorder symptoms and behaviors, there is often a moment of painful recognition: we didn’t know anything was wrong at first because we’ve been doing those things, too.

It’s worth pausing here to note that I don’t blame parents when their kids develop eating disorders.

But you can see why I used to think of this intersection of midlife and adolescence as a body image perfect storm.

At the risk of sounding too optimistic, I now see this potentially fraught family dynamic quite differently—less as something to dread, resist, or joke about and more as a tender time that is ripe for connection and growth.

If you’re a parent who wants your kids to feel good about their bodies and resilient to diet culture, this tandem transition just might be a perfect opportunity.

This is not to say that it’s easy to go through perimenopause or puberty. The symptoms can be physically and psychologically uncomfortable, even painful. And even though you logically know these changes are expected, inevitable, and developmentally normal, there is still unpredictability in how long the hardest parts will last and what exactly awaits on the other side of this metamorphosis.

But it’s precisely in that discomfort and uncertainty that we can find common ground with our kids—and step into our role as leaders with new determination.

We don’t need to have all the answers or project some kind of “perfect” body image. (I don’t think that even exists.)

But it does mean we have an opportunity—perhaps even a responsibility—to weather this storm with more grace, awareness, and self-compassion.

We’re the captain of this ship, after all.

Resisting cultural pressures and healing our relationship with our bodies can be difficult. (Understatement of the year?)

But when we acknowledge the powerful influence we have on our kids—yes, even during the adolescent years—we often discover a lot of strength. Maybe even the strength to withstand the headwinds of diet culture.

Parents do really hard things for their kids every day. Knowing that our children need our leadership, perhaps now more than ever, can open up a deep well of motivation to draw on as we start to address—or least get curious about—our own body image struggles.

And in the meantime, it’s okay to fake it ‘til you make it.

We have evidence that even going through the motions of body acceptance or appreciation (or whatever body image framework resonates with you) can be a crucial step in genuinely feeling better about ourselves.

So if you’re eager to navigate these choppy waters with more confidence, here are some practical ideas to consider:

1. Skip the criticisms—and compliments—that put bodies in a hierarchy.

   Self-deprecating humor can be a great way to discharge a little anxiety about body changes. But it can also reveal—and reinforce—our internalized ageism, ableism, and anti-fatness. I’m not here to be the comedy police. But I invite you to notice if you’re making a lot of “fat jokes” about yourself or others. And on the flip side, consider how often you see a celebrity your age or older and remark on how “amazing” they look. If we don’t want our kids comparing their appearance to filtered, idealized images on social media, it starts with us.

2. Normalize that bodies change.

   Despite what lucrative industries would have us believe, we aren’t meant to look the same forever. Bodies are always changing. It’s part of being human and alive. And since weight gain is not only normal but necessary for our growing kids, imagine what it’s like to go through puberty in an environment where “putting on pounds” sounds like a disaster. One practical way to combat these harmful messages is to remind our kids and ourselves that clothes are meant to fit your body, not the other way around.

   Zoë Bisbing
   shared the brilliant idea to designate a donation/resale bin for clothes that don’t fit anymore. Rather than feeling panic and shame about needing a new pair of jeans, we can make this process an out-in-the-open, matter-of-fact part of life for the whole family.

3. Validate that body image distress is real—and really painful.

   It’s not about dismissing negative feelings or pretending it’s easy to love the way your body looks or functions. If our kids are struggling with negative body image, let’s be wary of rushing in with a “but honey, you’re so adorable!” Listening to their feelings and showing we can tolerate their distress means they have a place to talk about these challenges and be heard and supported. The hardest part is not offering up hollow reassurances or “fixes” for supposed problems. If it feels right, we might even share (not diet-y) strategies we have used to cope with our own uncomfortable body feelings (e.g., finding clothes that fit, playing with pets, spending time in nature).

4. Acknowledge the immense pressure to look a certain way.

   Let’s start conversations about where people of any age get the idea they aren’t measuring up in some way. Talking about peer pressure and social media with curiosity can be a powerful gateway to developing critical thinking and media literacy skills. We can even ask our teens for strategies about curating our feeds, limiting our screen time, or evaluating health/wellness claims of influencers selling supplements or diet plans. If we’re feeling that sweet spot of vulnerability and confidence, we might even own the part we’ve played in perpetuating certain appearance ideals within our own family or community.

5. When it comes to food and movement, try to focus on variety, satisfaction, and pleasure.

   Calculating protein grams and obsessing about achieving a certain number of steps each day can make it harder for our kids to develop a healthy relationship with food and movement. Remember that children, including seemingly mature adolescents, are more concrete in their thinking and therefore more at risk for adhering to rigid, black-and-white approaches to things like eating and exercise. Unless there are medical reasons to avoid certain foods altogether (e.g., allergies or celiac) or to quantify macronutrients (e.g., diabetes), let’s consider how to bring an “all foods fit” energy into our home, in a way that works for our family. And let’s make an effort not to imply that physical activity exists to “burn and earn” calories.

What about midlife men?

Perimenopause isn’t the whole story, of course.

Dads struggle with body anxiety and aging, too. And the diet/fitness/wellness industries are going hard after men and boys like never before.

Biohacking, performance optimization, and supplement powders are often packaged as masculine; the term “diet” almost never appears unless after words like “carnivore.”

I only recently learned about the booming industry of shapewear for men, something I plan to write more about in the future. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this visual that captures a bit of what many guys are up against.

This is all to say that moms and dads are in this storm together. It should be obvious, but it’s worth restating: dads affect kids’ body image, too.

It could feel like I’m adding yet another thing for busy sandwich-generation parents to handle. But divesting from diet culture can actually be quite freeing. It’s amazing how much time and brain space (not to mention money) you can save when you’re not constantly at war with your body’s appearance. Everybody wins when peace, not perfection, is our goal.

Diet culture messages are always going to come on strongest when we’re feeling the most disoriented and overwhelmed. But finding a safe harbor during a tempestuous time is truly a priceless gift—not only for our children but for ourselves.

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In case you missed it

They say you should never meet your heroes.

Well, I got lucky because

Christy Harrison, MPH, RD

was incredibly kind and generous when she interviewed me for her Rethinking Wellness podcast. It’s no wonder people feel comfortable sharing vulnerable personal experiences with her!

This interview was quite the full-circle moment for me. Christy’s first podcast, FoodPsych, laid the foundation for the information and confidence I needed to help my child recover from an eating disorder. I hope that hearing my story on Rethinking Wellness can help others, too.

“Adrenal Fatigue” + Anti-Inflammatory Diets + Eating-Disorder Recovery with Oona Hanson

Speaking of podcasts, I got to connect with Christine Santucci and eating disorder dietitian Chanel Kenner on their Plateful Parenting Podcast. We talked about how invasive diet culture can be in family life and some simple steps parents can take to start to make their homes a safe haven from food fears and body shame.

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Book corner—and other news

I’m in the home stretch of completing the first draft of my manuscript. As you may already know, I’m writing a book for parents who want their kids to have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies. It will be out in the fall of 2026, so there are still lots of revisions to come. If there are topics you hope I’ll cover in the book or future newsletters, please let me know.

And an announcement: I’ll be offering paid subscriptions soon.

Why? I want to be able to share more personal stories in my writing and make it safer for readers to ask and share things in the comments that might feel too private for a totally public forum. I also know there is value in learning about diet culture and eating disorders without an algorithm simultaneously presenting you with weight-loss ads. So that means writing fewer freelance articles and investing more of my time here.

I’ll still provide some free-for-everyone posts here, of course, because my passion is educating parents, and I want to reach as many people as possible.

Thanks again for reading, sharing, and supporting my work.